In the past, most marriages were based on custom and tradition. Every step, from finding a mate to the wedding ceremony, was controlled by the families of the young couple. Nowadays in Australia and New Zealand, people usually marry because they have fallen in love. The choice of a spouse is up to the individual.
While young people no longer depend completely (if at all) upon parental advice, many of them want guidance. There is an increasing demand all over the country for scientific knowledge of sex and the psychology of successful marriage. This is a good sign, and it should be encouraged and satisfied by schools, churches, social agencies, and particularly by parents.
There is no such thing as a blueprint for a happy marriage, but it is wise, before taking the step, to be aware of the conditions that are most likely to result in one.
No matter how much your pulse beats at the sight of your beloved, do not rush into marriage. Take the time to know each other. It will save a lot of trouble later on. Do not marry anyone with the idea of reforming him or her. Remember, you are marrying an adult whose tastes and habits are pretty well fixed. Questions such as the following should be faced before marriage: Shall the wife work? For how long? Can you live on the husband’s earnings? Who will manage the family income? How many children should you have? What kind of accommodation can you afford?
The following questionnaire will serve as a helpful guide. Answer Yes or No:
*1 Do you like to spend most of your leisure time together?
*2 Do you agree on whether or not to have children?
3 Do you both enjoy the same friends?
4 Do you have similar tastes in books, films, art, and the kind of home you want?
3 For the prospective husband: Do you like to putter around the house, build and fix things, do gardening? For the prospective wife: Do you like to cook, clean, and sew?
*6 Do you both have the same basic philosophy of life? Do you have the same religion or agree on attitudes towards religion?
*7 Do you like, or share his (her) attitude towards his (her) parents? Is there agreement on ways you behave towards them?
Some comments on the above questionnaire are necessary. Yes answers to all the questions would indicate a rare situation; danger exists only if there are basic antagonisms. Certain questions are more important than others. There should be a positive Yes on the questions that are starred. In regard to Question 6, it has been found that religious disagreements play some small part in disturbing a marriage. These differences tend to be worked out satisfactorily during the courtship. After marriage, the problem is usually centred on the religious upbringing of the children. Question 7 involves the in-laws, who have been the cause of many marital upsets. The courtship period is the ideal time to get to know them and make every attempt to like and be liked.
*141\68\2*
