April 23rd, 2009

The poetry of it

“It seems strange to say it. But when things have been going well there has seemed a kind of poetry in life. Yes, I think ‘poetry’ is the right word. There has been something beyond the level of bed and breakfast, and getting the kids off to school. There has been something about it all that I felt within myself. A quiet knowing, an understanding, between my husband and I, and joy. And now it has all gone. The joy has gone, and the understanding has gone, and our marriage is on the way to going too.

‘Everything has changed. No, it has not all changed. Only one tiny bit of it; it’s me; and I know it.

‘What is the change? Simply that I am on edge. On edge, and the joy has slipped down the other side, along with the understanding I felt I had of things. And my husband and I are slipping apart, too.

‘Our quality of life, the things that are worthwhile, have all gone. And now a nothingness comes to my life; a nothingness in that which was so full.”

It is just that the nervous tension of stress inhibits what we might call the ‘poetry of life’.

Stress and love

“Oh, how I have loved! It has fulfilled my life, fulfilled my being. And it flowed on. It overflowed into the world around me; to the animate and the inanimate; to the heavens above me, and the earth which provides.

‘Now, something of it has gone from me. The joy, and the blessedness that I felt in the one whom I love, has gone from me. It’s running out of everything around me; it’s gone.

‘There’s loss in death; but this is more, it’s loss of life, life as it could be, and has been.

‘What caused this loss? Not him. Not me. Perhaps it was me? Perhaps it was my reaction to the problem? But how can I love when I feel so stressed?”

Quality of life varies from individual to individual. Not all of us will attain that degree of quality which is indicated in the example. However, what degree we do attain, whether great or small, is easily eroded by the tension arising from stress.

Suspicion and jealousy

“As a child I pulled the blanket over my head as a protection against the fears of the night. I feared the devils of the dark might set upon me.

‘Childhood fantasies are left behind with the years, but now I am beset by a new generation of devils – more vicious than those of the past – Suspicion and his son, the little devil called Jealousy. Suspicion and Jealousy. Mean qualities of little people. I can see that I have them both.”

Who are the suspicious and jealous? They are the insecure. The effect of stress, and the disordered action of nerve cells, is to make us uncertain of ourselves. Insecurity is the ground in which suspicion and jealousy grows.

*84/98/5*

Rationalization is the unconscious process by which we give socially acceptable reasons for things that we do from lesser motives. It is the unconscious excuses which our mind makes for us, without us being aware as to what is going on.

The businessman is coming under stress from worry about his tax return which he knows was not the complete truth. He rationalizes, ‘The accountant passed it. That’s his affair. It’s not my responsibility.’ Of course it is his responsibility. But by rationalizing in this way he saves himself stress from the problem.

A young man is feeling the effects of stress from his guilt about a sexual encounter in which he really seduced the girl. So he rationalizes, ‘She went along. She did not resist. Said “No”. That’s just at first. Just part of the game. A few tears to make it seem she meant it. She didn’t resist. What in hell am I worrying about?’

A girl laughed at her new lover’s impotence. ‘I shouldn’t have done it. He’s so sensitive. So very sensitive. Wish I hadn’t. Then what of me! My feelings! He shouldn’t have tried if he did not know he was all right.’ In this way she rationalizes her guilt and reduces the feelings of stress.

*77/98/5*

Anxiety dreams

«I never used to dream very much. When I did, I was usually spared those worrying, frightening dreams which people speak about. Now it has all changed. Horrible. Terrifying. Wake in a sweat. Heart pounding. Often don’t know what it was all about. Just awful. Just the feeling of it being awful. »

These are known as ‘anxiety dreams’. They are the product of anxiety resulting from stress.

An interesting point arises here. I have seen a number of patients who complain like this. But when I have shown them how to let their mind run easy in meditation, so that their coping ability was increased and their stress relieved, the nature of their dreams has changed. Their dreams have lost their horrible, terrifying quality, and have come to concern matters of common experience without any great emotion at all. This change in the nature of their dreams is, in fact, a common occurrence in patients as their anxiety is relieved.

Nervous headache

«Headache. Headache on and off all the time. I know what causes it. Just the worry of this damn problem. It won’t go away. »

We all know that stress is a frequent cause of headache. But we do not know with any certainty the actual physiological mechanism which produces the pain of headache. It is easy to think of the over-active nerve cells causing the headache. The trouble is that brain tissue itself is insensitive. It can be cut or cauterized in the conscious patient without producing pain. So it seems likely that the pain of headache is mediated through stimulation of pain receptor nerve cells in the blood vessels of the brain.

*39/98/5*