Al and Betty met in a 12-step program. They were both recovering from an addiction—she from alcohol, and he from marijuana. Both were also in psychotherapy, where they had spent a lot of time working through feelings connected with having been raised in dysfunctional, sexually and physically abusive families. As such, they had much in common from the start. In the beginning of their sexual relationship, Betty said she had the usual feelings of being sexually exploited. Al reported having the usual feelings of anxiety, which caused him to be impotent. Only after they had been to bed about ten times was Al able to become erect, and only after about twenty times was he able to have an orgasm. “It was like I had to thaw out,” he says. “We both had to thaw out and adjust to each other. At first she was just this beautiful female in bed with me. She could have been anybody. I was intimidated by her. Gradually, she became more familiar and more dear, and I relaxed.”
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